it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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