just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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