i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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