I never want to see another naked old woman again.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
