Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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