you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
