You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
