I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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