he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
