I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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