Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
