I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
