In the future we'll all be gay
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Let's get the cat blown out
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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