Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize