I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
