From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
