he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I have tasted many bathrooms
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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