I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
