dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
