I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
