i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
