u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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