You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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