I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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