Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
