i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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