your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
