I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
