he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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