One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
True strength comes from lack of pants
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
