I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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