I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's shark week go big or go home
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
