I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
