So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
