laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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