I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
