so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
