just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
