So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
