the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
