last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
