My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
