I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
