I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
