i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just found a bag of teeth...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's no shave November. This is our time.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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