If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
