9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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