The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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