he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
