been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
