she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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