Your tits are I can't wait for
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
