She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
