Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
