I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
