K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
