I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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