there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
