hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
