Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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