omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
