I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
