at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
