how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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