She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
