Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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