Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
