Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
