I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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