I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
