so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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