Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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