im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
