The maid of honor just puked.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
