we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
