I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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