When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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