Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
