508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
