I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
